Post 25 – Sex and Marriage
The next day was a typical Sunday morning. The kids woke up early. We had pancakes for breakfast and then completed a few household chores. Myles and I didn’t interact much, focusing mainly on the kids. As I folded laundry in the living room, I tried to think of an excuse to skip Sunday lunch at the in-laws.
Every weekend we visited Myles’ parents. We had lunch and spent most of the afternoon with them. It wasn’t my preferred thing to do. I mean, the in-laws are loving and caring people, but nobody wants to see their in-laws every weekend! After years of visiting them somewhat consistently,
I finally got the courage to vocalize my need for alone time.
I felt guilty for choosing me over the in-laws, but my mental health was at stake. The first few times I stayed home, Myles’ parents asked if I was ill. I tried to explain that I needed to re-energize. Somehow, they didn’t quite understand. Every time I skipped out, they wondered why. It upset me that they didn’t get it. Myles didn’t really support my staying home. He made me feel badly about it sometimes, saying that his parents help us out so much that I should show my thanks by visiting them. It was true that they were did a lot for us, but what about my needs? I know for a fact that if my parents lived in the same city as us, Myles would never visit them every weekend.
So, why should the “rules” be different for me?
Still sitting on the couch folding laundry, Myles stepped in to the living room.
“Why don’t you go over to Seth’s house and paint?” he said.
I froze. I think I went into shock for a split second. Did he just suggest that I paint instead of going to his parents? I couldn’t believe my ears.
“What?” I exclaimed. There had to be a catch.
“You’re always looking for time to yourself…so why don’t you take the afternoon?”
As the words came out of his mouth, his eyes seemed to avoid contact with mine. Maybe he was still feeling unhappy and didn’t want to show his vulnerability. Maybe he was upset with me about the full-time job issue. His suggestion was out of character, but I didn’t analyze it further. I was ecstatic about having an entire afternoon to myself!
“Ok!” I replied, still frozen.
Within moments, Myles had the kids strapped in the car and ready to go. He wished me a good afternoon and that was that.
I was alone, and surprisingly, I didn’t have to fight for it!
I called Seth right away and he was at my house, ready to paint, within the hour.
Greeting him at the front door, we immediately headed for my art studio in the basement. He set up his work station on the floor, as usual, and dove in to his painting.
“Hey, I’m really sorry about last night!” he said sincerely. “I like hanging out with you and I just wanted the evening to go well. I guess I screwed up!”
He looked up at me with “puppy eyes”, searching for forgiveness.
“It’s fine”, I relayed. “You don’t have to drink to have a conversation with me. We have great conversations! No need to worry about that!”
“You’re right!” he asserted. “I feel like I can talk to you about anything. In fact I wanted to talk about Karen and the real reason why she’s away this weekend.”
“Isn’t she at the cottage to get out of the city and relax?” I asked.
“Yes, but she also wanted to get away from me for a few days.”
“Oh?”
He sighed. “We’re not getting along lately and we needed a little time apart. Actually, our sex life isn’t great.”
“Oh?” I repeated.
“She’s not really interested in sex!”
He continued, “I don’t know why! Seems like a struggle to get her in the mood.” he said in a matter-of-fact way, as though he was talking to his therapist of ten years.
While I thought the topic of conversation was incredibly personal, I wanted to hear more. His wife seemed to have the same problem as me! I wanted to know everything! How did she deal with it? Has she gone to see a hormone specialist like I did? Did she have low lobido? I’m sure he didn’t have the answers. I wished that I could speak with her directly.
“I kind of feel the same way about Myles. It’s likely a problem with our chemistry.” I hesitated for a second, wondering if it was a good idea to reveal my sex life so openly. Heck, I started talking, I may as well finish my thought…
“You know…sexual chemistry.”
“Really?” he exclaimed, his eyes widening.
We talked, and talked, and talked some more. It felt like we were each other’s therapist. We shared so much intimate details about our sex lives that if we ever wanted to host a podcast on sex and marriage, we would have enough material to cover at least 50 episodes.
The more we shared, the more I felt my attraction grow for him. So much so, that I kind of wanted to start making out with him right there on the floor.