Post 6 – Attraction to Others
When I told Myles I was meeting Seth for lunch, I couldn’t help but feel like I was hiding something. Why? I tried to reason with myself…
Yes…
- I felt attraction toward Seth.
- We had a brief history of friendship.
- I was infatuated with him during that friendship.
- We had common interests.
However,
- It’s been 14 years since that infatuation! That’s a long time!
- Just because I liked Seth years ago, doesn’t mean I’ll fall for him again.
- It’s only lunch after all! No harm in having lunch with an old friend.
- My relationship with Myles is stable. If I developed feelings for Seth again, I could speak openly with Myles about it.
I want to expand on that last point…
Myles and I had an open discussion years ago. I’m not sure how the topic came up but we ended up talking about attraction – feeling sexually attracted to another person while being married. Without naming names, we openly revealed to each other that we felt attraction toward other people since we’ve been together. Neither of us acted on our feelings. We remained faithful to each other.
“It’s normal!” Myles said. “We’re human beings! We don’t stop being attracted to other people simply because we’re married!”
He had a point.
Then again, I felt my heart sink. Knowing that he could be attracted to someone else made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Then, I felt like a hypocrite. Why was it fine for me to be attracted to another man while wrong for him to be attracted to another woman?
It was reassuring to know that we could have such an open conversation. Telling each other everything meant that we had a solid, stable relationship. At the same time, I wondered if it was best to keep these feelings to ourselves.
So, long ago Myles and I agreed to keep each other informed if we felt attracted to another person. Well, in the last 10 years or so, since that conversation, the topic never came up again. What did that mean?
As for my relationship with Myles, everything was just fine! At least that’s what I told myself. Was I perhaps wearing rose-coloured glasses? Maybe it wasn’t as great as I believed. To be honest, I hadn’t given much thought about our relationship or its status in years. We hadn’t talked openly in a long time about our feelings toward each other or any other topic related to life passions, dreams and happiness.
After having kids, life became all about them. Routine set in and I got cast away by the current of family life. We worked, spent time in the park with the kids, had dinner gatherings, went shopping, cleaned the house and visited relatives. Life was full. There wasn’t much time left to reflect on my love life.
It didn’t even occur to me that I no longer had a love life.
One day when I was preparing supper, an uncomfortable thought entered my mind. It was around 6:00 PM and Myles wasn’t home yet from work. He usually worked late hours and travelled on occasion. I was the prime care giver. The kids were playing in the living room, creating a fort with cushions and blankets. It was a day like any other.
While I was chopping carrots I remember thinking: “If Myles wasn’t around, if he was completely absent from my life, nothing much would change.”
It wasn’t a negative thought! I didn’t want him to leave or die or anything of that sort. In that moment, I simply couldn’t see how he contributed to my life other than financial support. I didn’t understand it! How could I have such a thought? I loved Myles! He was a fantastic father and considerate toward others! I was fortunate to be married to such an amazing guy!
Okay now, back to the reasoning…
Was it a bad idea to have lunch with Seth? Was I over analysing a simple lunch invitation? I was too curious to decipher whether I should or shouldn’t go – curious to see if he was really as amazing as I once thought. Anyway, it wasn’t all about him, it was about his connections. If he could help get my paintings up on the walls of a restaurant, that was the primary reason to have lunch with him. Yep, lunch was on!