Post 21 – Stay-at-home mom: the good and the bad
I stayed home with both kids three to four days a week before they could attend school. One day a week, the kids were in daycare and I worked, teaching a few classes at primary school. Full-time daycare was too expensive so Myles and I decided that I would be the main caregiver. I was happy to stay home. I would spend the majority of my time with the kids, and potentially get a few hours to work on my creative projects for my small business. Unfortunately, the time I had for my projects was scarce. The only time I had to write or paint was when the kids napped in the afternoon. As they got older, the naps got shorter.
Being a stay-at-home mom has its benefits and challenges. I loved the quality time I spent with the kids, bringing them to the park, swimming lessons, and going for short walks. On the down side, I longed for personal time and needed adult time, where I could have real conversations without having to use kid vocabulary like bo-bo, tummy or poop.
Stay-at-home moms are a rare scene where I live.
Most people hire nannies to mind their children. In my neighbourhood, the nannies were predominantly from the Philippines and stuck together. So, I basically had nobody to interact with when I went to the park or playgroups. It felt like I was back in high school and I couldn’t hang out with the popular crowd because I couldn’t speak their language of coolness. In this case, I actually couldn’t speak their spoken language, which was Filipino. As a result, I often felt lonely. Some days felt really long.
In time, the challenges of being a stay-at-home mom took over the positive elements. I loved my kids so much and wanted to spend time with them but I also needed my personal time! It was a constant emotional struggle for me. I knew, deep down, if I had more time to paint and write, I would feel more balanced. In feeling more balanced, I could be a more patient and fully engaged mom. The reality was, my life was a full-blown mom-a-thon, with limited opportunities to recharge and realign.
When Myles arrived home after a long day of work I was so happy to see him! Finally, I had adult companionship! I wanted to run up to him, wrap my arms around him and hold him. But I didn’t. I rarely welcomed him home. Instead, I nagged about unimportant things, dumped the kids on him, and fled to the bedroom trying to escape my role as a mother for a few hours.
I was jealous of Myles, and angry…with life.
I was jealous of the fact that he got to spend every day working at a job that he adored. I was angry that I didn’t have a career that I loved. Instead, I was stuck teaching kids that had no interest in learning. Most of my students had behavioural issues and didn’t listen in class. It was dreadful! To top things off, I had the tedious responsibilities of shopping for groceries and clothes, cooking and cleaning, bringing the kids to all of their appointments, all the while trying to work on my art business and write a book. Myles helped when he could, but I had the bulk of the responsibilities because I was the stay-at-home parent, which made sense but at the same time, felt unjust.
I felt totally cheated by life!
It was unfair to Myles – completely undeserving for me to have those feelings toward him, but I couldn’t help it.
So, that was the bad…now for the good!
Of course, it wasn’t all bad! I have no regrets staying home with my kids. If I had to do it over again, I would! Yes, caring for children in the early stages of life can be challenging – but it can also be rewarding. I recognize it much more now that time has passed.
I remember very beautiful moments with my children. The joy they expressed when having new experiences and learning new things was heart-stirring. I remember my kids being so captivated with my every word when I read to them. It was so precious to see them enjoying the stories. My favourite moments with my kids were at the beach. They could spend hours playing in the sand and splashing the water, and never get bored. They loved it! I loved watching, and playing with them!
The times may have been challenging, but the precious moments are significant in comparison, and have added great value to my life.
In retrospect, maybe I should have asked Myles for more help to ease the burden of all the responsibilities. I don’t know…
Reminding myself that the times were temporary probably would have helped, in appreciating the good and lessening the weight of the bad. After all, nothing lasts forever!
Once my youngest child started school, I quit my teaching job. At the time, I was teaching only two classes a week and wasn’t enjoy it, so there was no point in continuing.
After staying home with the kids for over seven years, it was now time to shift gears. It felt like I was starting a new chapter in my life. At long last, I had all the time in the world to work on my art business and finish my book.
There was only one problem! One person had the influential power to stop me from realizing my dreams…my husband.