Post 17 – Should I tell my husband?
I walked into the kitchen and sat at the island where Myles was preparing his granola cereal.
“The conversation doesn’t have to be heavy,” I thought. “Just keep it light! We’ve talked about this before! We’ve had this conversation…being attracted to other people. I’m revisiting a topic we’ve already discussed. So, it shouldn’t be that difficult!”
“Hey!” I said nonchalantly, “Are you ok with me spending so much time with Seth?”
“Yeah of course!” he answered without looking up, then added, “You two seem to get along!”
“I feel kind of guilty spending all this time painting while you take care of the kids.” I confessed.
“It’s fine, really! In fact, I was going to suggest that you have a weekly painting session with Seth. Every Saturday maybe?” He glanced at me, then looked down again, focused on his chopping.
“Really?”
I replied, surprised.
Excited at the thought of painting every Saturday, I also felt perplexed. Why would Myles be so open to having me spend half my weekend with Seth!
I didn’t say anything for a moment, then, I blurted: “You don’t feel uncomfortable with me spending every Saturday with another man?”
It was direct; to the point.
“I don’t feel insecure about it, if that’s what you mean. I’m fine with it!” After a short pause, he continued, “You like him, right? You enjoy spending time with him?”
His words completely threw me for a loop! Why would he use those words? I like him? What? I wasn’t sure what to say! I wanted to tell him, “Yes, I like Seth, but I like him a little too much!”
The words were there, at the tip of my tongue, but couldn’t come out! All I could mutter was the word, “Yes.”
I was confused!
Myles never supported the idea of me working toward an art career. He didn’t mind me spending some time working on my “hobby” as long as our household and parental responsibilities were evenly divided. The fact that he was fine with me spending an entire day painting, once a week, didn’t sound like him. Why the sudden support? And why was he okay with me spending so much time with Seth? He didn’t seem at all concerned! Was it complete trust in me?
It all seemed a bit strange. If I were in his shoes, and he was spending half the weekend with another woman, every weekend, I would have something to say about it.
“Great!” He said enthusiastically. “I’ll make plans to see my parents every Saturday then.”
“Ok.” I said, still feeling confused.
I stood up, stepped into the hallway, then stopped and glanced back at him.
“I have to tell him!” I thought.
When I re-entered the kitchen, Myles was wiping the counter. He didn’t see me. I stood by the open doorway, ready to speak. I was ready to tell him everything. How could I even think of keeping anything from him?
Before I could say anything, he shouted: “Come on boys! Time to go to grandma and grandpa’s!”
Within ten minutes Myles and the boys were out of the house. It didn’t take much time for my emotions to switch from guilt to excitement again. I finished packing my paints and made my way out the door.